To be a sparrow.

"I volunteer once a week. I do full time school, but I don't have to worry about kids. You should come home to a house looking like Buddy the Elf spent the night."


He laughed. I sobbed. Theoretically, if I'm not changing diapers or waking up in the middle of the night, shouldn't paper snowflakes and lace buntings be gracing doorways to a spotless kitchen constantly stocked with healthy, homemade food, with singing squirrels and blue birds that helped me load the dishwasher nearby? (Theoretically; I do hope to attend grad school.) Reality looks more like a lot of leftovers, a frequently unmade bed, and dogs that aren't walked nearly enough. And yet, most days it's all I can do to do all I can. But it just doesn't ever feel like enough.


I'll save you the hassle of telling you about my criteria of what's "enough" and just come right out and say that I tend to be an overachiever. Overachieving aside, though, budgets will always need balanced… informed purchases will always need to be made… grocery shopping always needs done… baseboards always need dusted… our bodies always need regular exercise. How will I do this plus kids… and everything else life may entail?


I'm fully aware that I'm getting ahead of myself; my personality is the type that has drawn blue prints of the next five years of their life and has them stashed (neatly) in their office. But even with good time management, sanity doesn't always seem possible. And with only new responsibilities being added on with time…


How?


And then it occurred to me.

I can't.

Random but most recent pic of us.

Inability is not a concept I like to consider very often. But when I think about it, it couldn't be more true.

"I AM THE VINE; YOU ARE THE BRANCHES. IF YOU REMAIN IN ME AND I IN YOU, YOU WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT; APART FROM ME, YOU CAN DO NOTHING." // JOHN 15:5

It's this amazing cycle that exists in a relationship with Christ: we need Him; He helps us.
We never stop needing Him. He never stops helping us.


But life is meant to keep us in a place of needing Him.



It's all too easy to start going solo, and we never seem to realize we have until one day someone who cares about us walks up and asks us if we're about to cry.


His assistance isn't something I can explain. But I know this: a lot of our busy-ness is the traffic jam (sometimes it's a 10-car pile-up) that is our minds. But when we let Him, He gives us a peace that truly passes logic or understanding. The peace of being in His hand… of whatever happens, it doesn't really matter; my worth isn't found there.


My worth isn't found in the amount of dust waiting to greet me in my living room's morning light.
My worth isn't found in whether or not dinner is figured out most days of the week.
My worth isn't found in whether I'm accepted to grad school…or whether I even finished elementary.


I am beautiful because He has told me I am beautiful (GENESIS 1:31). I am priceless because He bought me (MATTHEW 20:28, ROMANS 5:8, 1 JOHN 4:10). And He's holding my right hand (ISAIAH 41:13).


As for our anxieties of daily life---

"AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE." // ROMANS 8:28

"LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR; THEY DO NOT SOW OR REAP OR STORE AWAY IN BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM. ARE YOU NOT MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN THEY?" // MATTHEW 6:26


&


"'IF YOU CAN'? SAID JESUS. 'EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR ONE WHO BELIEVES." // MARK 9:23

And I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free! His eye is on the sparrow, and I know that He watches me.

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Image courtesy of Pinterest.com.