East to West

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

The thought occurred to me lately that there's nothing quite like the pang of regret. 

We don't all have stories that would make a highly-rated reality show or best-selling novel. Yet we've all experienced regret. Life's coulda's, shoulda's and woulda's. They're not restricted to well-defined moments or specific events in our lives that cause us to look back and ask what we were thinking; they can be as unsuspecting as something you thought at the time was a good idea, or years of using an approach to life that wasn't doing you any favors. They come in all shapes, all sizes. For me, that week, Casting Crowns' East to West had been listened to on repeat.



HERE I AM, LORD, AND I'M DROWNING
IN YOUR SEA OF FORGETFULNESS
THE CHAINS OF YESTERDAY SURROUND ME
I YEARN FOR PEACE AND REST
DON'T WANNA END UP WHERE YOU FOUND ME
AND IT ECHOES IN MY MIND
KEEPS ME AWAKE TONIGHT...

My favorite regrets (see: sarcasm) are the ones that beg questions with no answers, such as why you didn't know what you didn't know before you knew it. (Please never ask yourself such an inhumanely torturous, insanely asinine thing.) The ways to evoke it are endless; its presence can be relentless. And actually, there's no other feeling in the world that I loathe more.

Unexpected bills for $497 can be an unwelcome distraction, though.

I never should have been charged, and figured it was a mistake. But when preceded with bolded statements like "AMOUNT YOU OWE:", confidence in mistakehood can be shaken. Reaching for the phone to get it sorted out but realizing it was after business hours, I resigned to imagining all the ways I could have spent $497. A road trip; a day at the spa; airfare home to see my family (plus a ticket to Disney World). Oh it was aggravating.

So, I did the only things you can do in such situations: I said a prayer that it'd all work out and moved on with my life. Days passed before I finally got a chance to call.



Turns out it was a simple mistake: A receptionist's typo caused my insurance to refuse me coverage. It was solved in about 30 seconds.

"So this will be completely covered, is that right?" I asked, in my usual leave-nothing-to-chance kind of way. 
"Yes, ma'am."


"So I can tear this up without having to worry about it anymore?" 
"Yes. It's all been taken care of." 

I thanked her, heaved a sigh of relief, and slowly tore up the bill into, ohhhh, 18 different pieces. 

Taking a moment to gaze at the messy, shredded squares of paper between my fingers, I relished the moment of a lifted burden. I went from being in a debt I never meant to incur and couldn't afford to pay, to realizing I didn't have to.
And then the thought came to me. 

As I stared at the shreds, it was as clear as if it was deposited right into mind, and I just knew.


"That's what I've done for you."



Courtesy of Pinterest

JESUS, YOU KNOW JUST HOW FAR THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST
I DON'T HAVE TO SEE THE MAN I'VE BEEN
COME RISING UP IN ME AGAIN
IN THE ARMS OF YOUR MERCY, I FIND REST
CAUSE YOU KNOW JUST HOW FAR THE EAST IS FROM THE WEST:
FROM ONE SCARRED HAND TO THE OTHER

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