Opened windows & broken glass.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

"I love this top! ... But I shouldn't buy another thing until I reach my goal weight," she said, hanging it back on the rack.

"I really want pictures of my family," she said, "but I'm not getting in front of a camera until I lose at least 15lbs." As is often the case, her weight loss couldn't keep up with the ever-turning pages of her life. It's been years, and as far as I know she is still holding off on family portraits.

"I can't believe I'm not where I want to be yet," she moaned. "I hear you," I replied. "For years I've heard you. But if you don't make this less of a priority, you're going to be a 90-year-old waging war on the last five pounds."

As a person who used to struggle with her weight, I'm clearly not suggesting anyone give up their healthful aspirations. I simply want to pose the question, are they healthy? Because obsessing about anything is not. (Definition of "obsessed" here = anything that takes up more energy and concern than it really ought.) Women are bombarded by images from every angle of what they "should be," when most of it is smoke and mirrors and none of it matters a fraction of its given priority.

Women across the world should be outraged at the lies that we are being fed on a daily basis. Because that's what it is.
Lies
.

We'll pretend for a quick second that it's not. The truth remains that a 155lb woman who swears she'd be exactly where she's always wanted if she "just lost 15lbs" (sound familiar?) probably isn't going to be any happier when she reaches 140. Kind of like how a person who banks their hopes of happiness on earning six-figures will likely never be any happier than they are with five.


(---to which I might add, "the way you CURRENTLY are.")
Image courtesy of Pinterest


Laugh, if you will, at the counter-intuitiveness of everything society has ever told the 21st-century was desirable and worthy of investing our lives in. And then realize I'm right.

I spoke with a woman today who no longer has fingerprints due to excessive chemotherapy. I recently watched a documentary about the man with a swelling 12lb tumor cascading from his overtaken face. And then there was that time I once made the mistake of google-image searching "birth defects" (I'm not recommending it). Meanwhile, perfectly healthy, uniquely beautiful girls---myself at times included---look in the mirror and agonize over the size of their hips. Or their chest. Or their waist. Or the texture of their hair. Or the shade of their skin, the circumference of their calves, the size of their eyes, the shape of their nose...

Women of the world, you've been robbed of something priceless. That something is called contentment. And quite frankly you ought to be livid.

So how do you negate lies? By speaking truth. The truth is that almost no one meets the world's unrealistic standards of beauty. Out of the group that does, many of them have paid an immense price for it by allowing it to consume their careers, their bank accounts, their relationships, their identity... their daily lives. (My goal isn't to judge these women, but to expose the reality of what I believe to be their situations.) And I don't believe that any of them---not one---are solely happy (if truly happy at all) because of it. Because at the end of the day, it always comes down to what does and does not matter.

The conversations at the top of this entry really happened with women I really care about. And when their voices all started to come together, it made me a depth of sad and outraged I can't explain.

DON'T PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE YOU ONLY REALIZE HOW MUCH IT DOESN'T MATTER UNTIL YOU'VE EXCHANGED IT BIT BY BIT FOR WHAT DOES. 


"Trust me, perfect should try to be you." -Bo Burnham


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To be a sparrow.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

"I volunteer once a week. I do full time school, but I don't have to worry about kids. You should come home to a house looking like Buddy the Elf spent the night."


He laughed. I sobbed. Theoretically, if I'm not changing diapers or waking up in the middle of the night, shouldn't paper snowflakes and lace buntings be gracing doorways to a spotless kitchen constantly stocked with healthy, homemade food, with singing squirrels and blue birds that helped me load the dishwasher nearby? (Theoretically; I do hope to attend grad school.) Reality looks more like a lot of leftovers, a frequently unmade bed, and dogs that aren't walked nearly enough. And yet, most days it's all I can do to do all I can. But it just doesn't ever feel like enough.


I'll save you the hassle of telling you about my criteria of what's "enough" and just come right out and say that I tend to be an overachiever. Overachieving aside, though, budgets will always need balanced… informed purchases will always need to be made… grocery shopping always needs done… baseboards always need dusted… our bodies always need regular exercise. How will I do this plus kids… and everything else life may entail?


I'm fully aware that I'm getting ahead of myself; my personality is the type that has drawn blue prints of the next five years of their life and has them stashed (neatly) in their office. But even with good time management, sanity doesn't always seem possible. And with only new responsibilities being added on with time…


How?


And then it occurred to me.

I can't.


Random but most recent pic of us.

Inability is not a concept I like to consider very often. But when I think about it, it couldn't be more true.


"I AM THE VINE; YOU ARE THE BRANCHES. IF YOU REMAIN IN ME AND I IN YOU, YOU WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT; APART FROM ME, YOU CAN DO NOTHING." // JOHN 15:5


It's this amazing cycle that exists in a relationship with Christ: we need Him; He helps us.
We never stop needing Him. He never stops helping us.


But life is meant to keep us in a place of needing Him.



It's all too easy to start going solo, and we never seem to realize we have until one day someone who cares about us walks up and asks us if we're about to cry.


His assistance isn't something I can explain. But I know this: a lot of our busy-ness is the traffic jam (sometimes it's a 10-car pile-up) that is our minds. But when we let Him, He gives us a peace that truly passes logic or understanding. The peace of being in His hand… of whatever happens, it doesn't really matter; my worth isn't found there.


My worth isn't found in the amount of dust waiting to greet me in my living room's morning light.
My worth isn't found in whether or not dinner is figured out most days of the week.
My worth isn't found in whether I'm accepted to grad school…or whether I even finished elementary.


I am beautiful because He has told me I am beautiful (GENESIS 1:31). I am priceless because He bought me (MATTHEW 20:28, ROMANS 5:8, 1 JOHN 4:10). And He's holding my right hand (ISAIAH 41:13).


As for our anxieties of daily life---


"AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, TO THOSE WHO ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE." // ROMANS 8:28


"LOOK AT THE BIRDS OF THE AIR; THEY DO NOT SOW OR REAP OR STORE AWAY IN BARNS, AND YET YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER FEEDS THEM. ARE YOU NOT MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN THEY?" // MATTHEW 6:26


&


"'IF YOU CAN'? SAID JESUS. 'EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR ONE WHO BELIEVES." // MARK 9:23


And I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free! His eye is on the sparrow, and I know that He watches me.

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Image courtesy of Pinterest.com.
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